Our clinic appointment was cancelled today; the doctors decided they already had everything needed, so we got a second day at home. Since I did a little sale-cruising yesterday, and we are having some un-California May rain, I decided to stay home today. We get admitted for more chemo tomorrow, the really nasty Vincristine-Cyclophosphomide-Carboplatin cocktail that leaves her so sick. It's probably my last chance for the next week to have some time for myself.
One of the wonderful new tricks Scarlett has developed is a sleeping schedule. She wakes up around 8, naps from about 11:30-3, another short nap in the evening, then goes to bed around 9 (she usually needs a feeding and diaper change in the night, but goes right back to sleep). She is so much happier when she is awake, and I really think it has helped her recovery and development the last few weeks. She is beginning to help hold her bottles, hold her head straight, put her pacifier back in her own mouth (only the Wubbanub - I LOVE these!), push off with her legs and babbles all the time. She has also cut her second tooth. It is such a relief to see these advancements! I was beginning to forget that she wouldn't always be helpless.
One of the other things I noticed lately is how different she looks. She has almost no hair, and what is left is straggly and thin. She has no eyebrows or lashes.
|Her hair before surgery in January|
|No hair, no brows, no lashes.|
I was prepared for this, but I barely even realized it had happened.
In fact, despite all the other issues we have to deal with, I have been feeling lucky. When we found out I was pregnant last year, there was no way we could manage me staying home for more than the basic maternity leave (up to 12 weeks unpaid, for those not familiar). Even before D(diagnosis)-Day, I could hardly stomach the idea of leaving her in day care. I am so lucky to have been able to stay with her all this time. I am present for everything, for better or worse. That's the little bit of silver lining I found in the rainclouds today.