Friday, March 4, 2011

No Go

Chemo didn't happen yesterday.  We went in for all the pre-admission blood work and physical, then waited for 6 hours for them to come back and say that they didn't have a bed available.  As we were packing up and leaving, the nurses kept thanking us for being so patient and keeping a good attitude; behind my smile and "No problem!  We'll see you tomorrow!" I was so frustrated and exhausted.  I have to steel myself for hospital life and especially for chemo and it's effects, and each time that the plan changes, I am left feeling like a deflated balloon, all my energy zapped away by waiting rooms, phone calls and anxiety.

Then, 20 minutes away in evening commute traffic, we realized that Scarlett's port was still accessed (the needle and IV line were still attached).  It's not unsafe or a big deal, really, but we had to stop and call in just to make sure we didn't have to do anything special, since we've never taken her home accessed before.  They assured us she would be okay overnight; it saves her from being stuck again today.

I am battling within myself to be honest and tell them how I feel when this continues to happen, and to be patient, knowing it is not their fault that there are so many sick kids.  They know it is hard for us; they do what they can to make me comfortable, but I am not the patient.  Scarlett is doing well compared to many who are there, so I tried to be grateful that I got to sleep in my own bed another night.

We're waiting for the call that a bed is available tonight.  It is harder to be there over the weekend because all of our regular doctors, who we trust and who know us, are not in, so questions get bounced around.  Plus, Chris has to work closing shifts all weekend, so his time in the hospital with us will be scarce.  Hopefully everything will go as scheduled once we get there...but I'm not betting on it.

Thanks to Tammy and Jacqueline Sawyer for bringing over a delicious dinner!  Thanks to Lauretta McCarthy, who brought dinner, and topped it off with wine and cheesecake!  We feel very lucky (and full!).

14 comments:

Charlotte said...

Oh Yuck. Thank God she is so young and the back and forth probably isn't nearly as hard on her as you and Chris. Thanks for the update!

April said...

I am so sorry... I know that you're not necessarily looking forward to putting Scarlet through this, but the delays must be maddening. With the flu season lasting so long and RSV (as you and I both have experienced firsthand) being as prevalent as it has this year, I am amazed they have any spare beds at all.

E. Lane said...

Still praying for you all.

Anonymous said...

Be stong mamma! But dont hold back too much or you will explode! You, chris and your beautiful, amazing little girl Scarlett are so strong and wonderful. I hope all goes well for you this weekend and the chemo is over in a breeze and you are all back home relaxing with little sickness! Hugs to you!

Jeni said...

It's ok that you feel that way. Hang in there and stay strong.

Anonymous said...

praying for you and scarlett... you have amazing perspective. but remember this -- you can still be nice and be firm at the same time. no one else will be an advocate for your child like you will.

Shelby said...

I have been following your blog since the beginning. Scarlett has made a huge impact on me. Please stay strong and know that thousands of people are praying for Scarlett.

April and Roel said...

How frustrating! It is tough to have patience with hospitals and treatments... even when you're not the patient. Hang in there. So many people are thinking of you and praying for Scarlett, you and your husband.

Anonymous said...

Amazing you can still be so positive given everything that your family has dealt with. May this be a lesson to all of us, to be forever grateful for what we have. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!

Anonymous said...

Good for you for keeping your cool...you're a better person than me!!! I'm sure it will pay off in the long run, better to not step on any toes or make anybody angry. I was the caretaker for my father when he was going through chemo and I always felt so grateful for everyone's help and I never wanted to make anybody mad, especially those who may be taking care of him at some point. Your hands are tied and you are doing such an amazing job. You are an inspiration and I am praying for a speedy, painless round of chemo. We all love Scarlett!!!

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

I am so sorry that y'all are having to endure this with your sweet girl. I pray that God continue to give you strength each day and that He will minister His healing hand upon Scarlett!

Jamie said...

I hate that that happened to you all. I will be praying for you and Chris and most assuredly Scarlet over the weekend. I still have that deep down feeling that she is going to come out of this and be just fine. I hope that things go better tomorrow.

Molly (from BBC March 2010) said...

I admire your strength, as always. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

I say my prayers every day for your family. I know it is frustrating as I had to postpone 2 of my rounds of chemo. Being an organizer as you are it is hard as we already have the next step planned out. Then when things go differently than we planned it causes us to feel out of control. Having experienced this myself I know you momma are frustrated, but...keep the strength and know her time is the right time for her round of chemo. Hugs to all of you.
Nana in Vacaville from BBC 11/10