Today, I decided to coin a new phrase: "Mom Up". I heard someone on TV say to "man up", and I thought moms have it harder.
To "mom up" means to do the right thing for your kid no matter how hard it is. I told Chris it means to put on your "big girl pants" and do what has to be done. It's getting up in the middle of the night to nurse a baby, or wiping poop off of every surface, or to walk around with barf on your shirt because there is more important stuff to take care of. Today for me, this meant giving Scarlett her yucky medicine even though she hates it and gags and sputters, while I told her how good she is and how much I love her and how it's almost all gone. I think this is what happened for my mom when she came into our PICU room after hearing bad news and didn't cry, but let me cry. It's also the way my sister held her tiny baby Zoey for the few minutes she had with her.
Everyone tells me how strong I am and how brave we have been facing Scarlett's diagnosis and surgery. I feel brave and confidant sometimes, but I am scared to death, too. But being scared does not help her. She feels my tension and reacts with her own agitation. My calm and quiet reassurance is all I can do to make her feel calm right now. I have to mom up and be brave for my baby.